Saw this hidden dick in my hallway today. Now I know how the guys who discovered crop circles felt.

You can’t quite see from this angle but it comes to a sharp point at the end. WTF? Do you think the artist had a pointy wiener all his life and just thinks they all look like that? It’s the only possible explanation.

All aboard for the eastern bay! BART stands for “bay area rapid transit”. It’s basically a big network of trains that connects some other cities to San Francisco!

It’s sorta like MUNI, but it goes farther. But don’t get them mixed up (they are in the same stations)

Hold on tight! They weren’t kidding about the “RAPID” part! It’s almost as if they WANT you to leave San Francisco!

A trio of newspaper dispensers enthusiastically awaits your arrival to Berkeley.

Get a load of that “San Francisco Gaurdian” box! Keep on truckin’ berkeley! You’ll get your own someday.

Berkeley’s “Shattuck” and “University Ave.” I’m told it’s like the Market St. / Van Ness of the Eastern Bay. Funny, because I only see one car driving on it… and some parking spaces. It’s like bizarro SF!

Who doesn’t enjoy a little drink now and then? Certainly not the east bayites! A number of San Francisco-style bars line the downtown streets.

This one spices things up with a little bit of hometown school pride. (Berkeley is also home to an expensive and therefore prestigious university)

End of Part 1! Stay tuned for more from this exciting trip to the Eastern Bay!

They little shits are so fucking cute it makes me want to throw up. How the hell could you get anything done with one of these around? You’d be all like, “fuck, I need to touch base with Mr. Strictland and close the big account tonight,” then this cuddly asshole would be all, “like shit your are, take me for a walk and pick up my poop while you’re at it.” Then he’d snort and drool and get some snot on your macbook and you’d be like, “aww hell ya got me again… come on princess cuddlykins”

This French bulldog named Samson used to live in my apartment before I moved in. He was fucking awesome. He even won a Nick at Nite’s Worldwide Fido award for cutest dog ever. You can’t make this shit up.

Looks like those assholes in Park Merced are getting some funny ideas about moving in on our luxury boutiques!

Well I say they can stuff it… who’s with me? Someone should tell them there aren’t any sterile high-rise condos here. We prefer our units to be million-dollar Victorian renovations. Why don’t they just stick to playing beer pong and throwing tampons out of dorm windows with those SF State kids and leave us alone? The only outsiders I tolerate are senior citizens hanging at Hayes Street Grill on their way to see the Wicked 8pm show.

I spent $155 on a pair of APC jeans today at Azalea. Am I out of my goddamned mind?

They are hella uncomfortable, but apparently that’s the way it’s supposed to be according to the guy that sold them to me, “because when you spend the big bucks on something you need to feel it in your balls”. Plus they are from France so you know that shit is good and it ages like a fine wine.

This art installation opened! I’m so glad that we have art available in public places because it moves our souls. This piece in particular speaks to my love of serpents and wreaths. If I had to give it a rating it would be an 8.2. I think this artist is doing an even bigger one for Burning Man next year. Who’s going? I’ve never been but I’ve heard it’s CRAZY!